豬頭三加油／Go go pig head threes!

今天我們應 A 級好友妍伶要求，在倫敦市區戴上豬耳朵入鏡。妍伶是倫敦大學學院 Slade 藝術學院的研究生，豬耳朵是她現在的作品。這作品背後的故事，可是一段辛酸史，得從一年多前踏上英國領土展開留學生涯說起，那時我們還興致沖沖的提著皮箱來倫敦求學，完全不知道其實是掉入了悲慘世界。以我來說吧，我萬萬沒料到在三個月還沒過完，我會變成一個連自己都感到陌生的人，最明顯的是隨時隨地可上演一場嚎啕大哭戲，並且心眼嚴重萎縮，在意和計較的事情越來越多。別以為爆發憂鬱症的只有我，身邊的人均接二連三出現了異狀，例如洪侃狂瘦 7 公斤，也有朋友數次崩潰。那時我常想到以前和一些留英歸國的人談感想，無論待的是東西南北大城小鎮，他們都說在英國的日子好快樂；我也想起一些留英學生的部落閣，光是閱讀他們眉飛色舞的
報告，我的臉似乎都濺上了他們橫飛的口沫。難道是我們神經太過脆弱，還是他們其實是強顏歡笑？我百思不解。無論如何，妍伶作品所要表達的，正是異鄉人凡事不得其門而入的感受──我們都是豬～頭～三～。為何自比為豬頭三，而不是小鳥腦笨衰驢瘋狂犬或王八龜呢？根據「小蟈蟈的爸爸」部落閣的說明，豬頭三來源於古時上海祭祀。祭品必備的三件物為豬頭一隻，雞一羽，魚一尾，合稱「三牲」。以豬頭為首，所以又稱「豬頭三牲」。上海話中「牲」與「生」同音，讀如 sang（第三聲），「豬頭三」實際上是「豬頭三」———「牲」的藏尾語，「牲」即是「生」。開始就是指那些剛來城市生活，因為陌生而顯得笨頭笨腦的外來人（即我們這些憂鬱症患者）。後來豬頭三的意思才變得廣泛，泛指處事愚蠢、不靈光、有點戇頭戇腦的人。「小蟈蟈的爸爸」還說：「以前女孩子發嗲的時候，一句：『儂豬頭三啊！』保證男孩子骨頭立馬酥掉。」（資料來源：http://blog.bandao.cn/archive/5782/blogs.aspx?BlogID=26963）。不知道他的說明是否正確。
今年底我們邁入了倫敦生涯的第二個年度，老實說我漸漸已有撥開烏雲見晴日之感。或許是回到台灣在家人溫暖的環繞之下，我的身心得到了充分滋養？儘管倫敦的食物吃了我依舊兩眼翻白、口吐白沫，至少我開始欣賞她遍佈全市的可愛巷弄，學會忽略她刺骨的溫度和陰霾的天空，甚至慶幸她每週給我們多不勝數的文藝活動參加。但願，有一天我能愛上她。
這一篇文章獻給妍伶、老詹、洪侃、佩臻、Rick、Grace，以及所有曾經或此刻自感豬頭三的異鄉人。
Yesterday we put on fresh pig ears and posed for our Class A friend Ulica (lower left), a postgraduate student at Slade School of Fine Art, University College London. This pig ear series is her current project. To explain her work I must tell a sorrowful story that begins from the moment we landed on the British soil as overseas students with a few suitcases and an excited heart, unknowing of the difficulties that we would face adjusting to life in London. Take myself for an example, in less than three months I am a changed person, except for the worse. The most obvious symptoms included episodes of outbursts of tears and the increasing fuss over the most minute things. I wasn’t the only one undergoing the onset of depression, however, as friends around me also displayed signs of maladjustment. For instance, Hung Kan lost 15lbs (7kg), and others suffered from episodes of breakdown. Occasionally I’d think of the friends who returned from the UK and how they unanimously spoke about their life there with beaming eyes. I also thought of the blogs of Taiwanese students and how I could almost feel their spatter on my face just by reading their lively account of British culture. Are we really too fragile or are they merely putting on an air of cheerfulness when in fact they hated everything here? I have no idea. This is what Ulica is trying to convey in her work, this sense of disorientation in a foreign country, or what the Chinese call, “pig head threes.” Why pig head and not fat cow, mad dog or bird brain? Instead of stubbornness, pig head has a different connotation in Chinese. According to a blog named “Little Cricket’s Papa”, the term “pig head” originated from sacrificial practices in Shanghai in which three animals are used, pig, chicken and fish. Since pig head is placed in the front of the plate, the offerings can be collectively called “pig head three.” Now somehow the term refers to people fresh off the boat (ie us), and can be extended to “fool” or “simpleton”. “Little Cricket’s Papa” continues, “In those days, when a girl calls a boy pig head three with a sweet voice the boy is bound to melt into a puddle of joy” (source: http://blog.bandao.cn/archive/5782/blogs.aspx?BlogID=26963).

This is our second year in London. Actually I am starting to feel the hovering gray clouds that so haunted me giving way to the sun. Perhaps a summer spent amongst family in Taiwan drove them away? Although food in London is still vomitous, I am beginning to appreciate the quaint alleys that sprawl the city. I am able to ignore the bitter temperature and dreary sky. And I am grateful of the abundance of cultural activities the city has to offer. Just one day, perhaps, I might grow to love her.

This piece is dedicated to Ulica, Alex, Hung Kan, Peichen, Rick, Grace, and friends and family who know what it feels like to a pig head three.