動物男之妻的日記／Diary of Mr. Animal's Wife

應要求寫一篇洪侃與動物的文章，基本上就是看圖說故事，順序是由左瞄到右：
－＞　－＞　－＞
－＞　－＞　－＞　
以此類推。

另外這篇文章有兩種閱讀方法。對於做事循規蹈矩的本分公民型讀者，建議你一邊閱讀一邊對照圖片，從頭到尾看完整篇解說。對於對動物麻木的讀者，建議你僅選擇有興趣的照片閱讀。我還是會很喜歡你，但洪侃我就不能保證了。

第一排
#1：侃子餵我小姑姑家的母貓賓拉娜蝦米吃，這母賓拉登貓如其名，凶惡異常，一般人只敢遠觀不敢褻玩焉，但從體形可知好吃是她一大弱點，她也只有在乞食的時候會主動接近人，即使如此，洪侃是唯一敢逗她的外人。
#2：某年冬天和老黃到台中清境農場遊玩。一般人以為綿羊沒有角，其實不然。那天洪侃又動用利誘招數，趁羊吃的忘我時摸羊角，正高興這招真是屢試不爽之時，角掉下來了。
#3：2001 年夏天在西雅圖度過，那年夏天他除了和我結婚，還曾救過一隻喙被魚鉤纏住的鴨。

第二排
#4：台北內湖家的前院中，侃子企圖吻 Kiitty 但被斷然拒絕。
#5：2005 年仲夏去合肥動物園玩。早上侃子對姪子煒煒說：「『小叔』帶『你』去動物園玩。」請將兩個『』對調，你就知道他真正的意圖了。到了動物園之後，不出十分鐘煒煒便覺乏味，但侃子堅持不走，在責怪我們是掃興大王之後再餵了一個多小時的猴，當時正值艷陽高照時分，一旁我公公猛擦汗，煒煒猛叫渴，侃子花生餵完後繼續觀看別人餵，過乾癮（要找洪侃請見箭頭）。
#6：2007 年 12 月我們在甘比亞首都班竹歇腳的飯店附近有座猴園，出發前侃子找出所有裝備披掛在母騾ㄨ身上（注意照片），到時好全心全意的大餵特餵。一路上侃子牽著忠心的母騾，腦中編織起熱帶非洲猴子天堂樂園的美夢，越接近目的地越像是聽到了空中迴盪的猴兒吱吱嘎嘎聲，眼前不禁浮現一幕幕母猴背幼猴在樹梢間盪來又盪去的景象。到達目的後，猴園嚮導說：「我們只有兩種猴。」顏色還很詭異：一紅一綠。照片中侃子餵食的是綠猴。

第三排
#7：侃子和王大在倫敦逛古董市場，遇到臉一樣皺的狗。
#8：在倫敦的第一個四月陽台跑來一隻報春狐，侃子難掩喜悅，張開雙手直直奔向牠，然後把牠堵在牆角，就近觀察了老半天。報春狐不斷打哆嗦，散發出台北夏天公車內乘客腋下的氣味。
#9：前幾天在聖詹姆士公園，侃子不忘餵食頂上的鴿。

I've gotten a request to write something about Hung Kan and his passion for animals, so here it is. Before I begin, this is how the photos correspond to their descriptions:
－＞　－＞　－＞
－＞　－＞　－＞　
... and so on.

You also have two reading methods to choose from. Law-abiding citizens can go through the entire article and photos from start to finish. Those readers who are indifferent to animals, you can be more selective and read only about the photos you find amusing. No hard feelings, although Hung Kan may.

Row 1
#1: HK was feeding dried shrimp to my aunt's cat Binlada (meaning female Binladin). As her name suggests, Binlada is perpetually angry at an abnormal level, so most people can only admire her from afar. However, as her size suggests, food is her weakness and it is only when she wants food will she come near you. Even so, HK is the sole non-immediate family member who is courageous enough to be in such proximity to her.
#2: A few winters ago we went to a farm in central Taiwan with Airy. Most people thought sheep have no horns, wrong. That day HK again used his "carrot-and-donkey tactic" on the animals, petting their horns while they were too busy eating. Just when HK gleefully thought to himself how unfailing this tactic is, the poor sheep's horn fell off.
#3: We spent the summer of 2001 in Seattle. In addition to marrying me, that summer he saved a duck whose bill was pierced by a hook.

Row 2
#4: In our front yard in Taipei. HK tried to kiss Kiitty, but received flat out rejection.
#5: In midsummer 2005 we went to a zoo in Hefei, the Chinese city where HK's parents live in. "'Uncle Kan' will take 'you' to the zoo," said HK to his nephew Wei Wei. Right. Switch the two
' 's and you get his real intention. Unsurprisingly ten min in the zoo WW already wanted to go home. After scolding us for shitting the party, HK continued to feed the monkeys for another hour. And when he finished the peanuts, he took pleasure in watching others feed. To make our wait worse it was high noon, so my father-in-law was sweating cats and dogs and WW was screaming for water. Where was HK? See arrow in photo.
#6: In December 2007 we went to Banjul, The Gambia, and close to our hotel there was a monkey park. Before leaving for the park, HK got out all the equipment including binoculars, cameras, food and loaded them onto donkey Ahwoo (notice in the photo). Followed by the faithful female donkey, HK began to weave a pink dream of tropical monkey paradise along the way. The closer he approached the park the louder the reverberation of monkey calls sounded in his head, and the scene of mother monkey swinging from tree to tree with baby monkey on her back seemed ever clearer. "We only have two kinds of monkey," said the guide who greeted us. The monkeys had a wierd combination of colors too--one green and another red. The one in photo is green (green colobus).

Row 3
#7: HK bumped into a dog with a "wrinkled up like a dried fruit" face just like himself while shopping with Wanda in an antique market in London last January.
#8: Our first April in London. A fox appeared on our balcony to tell us spring is knocking on our door. HK ran towards the fox in great excitement and then cornered it for closer observation. The poor thing was trembling so hard that it released a smell only found under the armpits of bus riders in Taiwan in the summer.
#9: St. James Park a few days ago, showing HK as Patron of the Pigeons.