朋友成癮症／Friend Junkie

最近又開始多愁善感了，我好想念所有的朋友……

週五和週六都有朋友來家裡坐，滿室的歡笑和人，到了週日相較之下就顯得倍為冷清，這幾天天洪侃也因為生病而呈現疲軟狀態，就像一只丟棄的保險套（希望沒有長輩閱讀這篇文章），還有一個在英國的好朋友最近交了男朋友，我開始害怕她會忘了我。我想我是感染了狂歡後症候群，內心極度空虛和寂寞。

我想起小時候的故事。那時我頂多三歲，爸媽一起在國外留學，就像現在的我和洪侃一樣，只是他們是在雪國加拿大。我爸媽當時也是好客之人，家裡經常有其他台灣留學生來來去去，每次有客人來我都好開心，大人在桌上打麻將我在桌下和小孩打架。但是天下沒有不散的筵席，時間到了客人還是會一一離開，而我只能把臉貼在窗戶的玻璃上眼巴巴的看著一部部車子打著信號燈離去，同時皺著眉頭難過的說：「他們又走了……」。

眾所周知我連三秒前的事情都記不住，這三歲時的故事自然是出自我媽口述。

中國人說三歲知八十，此話還真不假。我想，朋友之於我就像毒品之於毒蟲，很難戒掉。

現在一步步邁向中年，朋友結婚的結婚、忙工作的忙工作、生小孩的生小孩。在台灣時我並沒有很在意，因為我自己也有親愛的家人和生活，但是來到英國就不一樣了，朋友又變成了我的氧氣筒。現在我才感覺到很多朋友都在忙，即使我心裡惦著他們，他們卻不一定能夠惦著我，至少不如我需要的多吧。

我哭了好幾次（死洪侃還譏笑我），現在慢慢能釋懷，除了我祭出「以萬變應萬變」的處世哲學，還因為了解到好朋友不求多，有幾個就該滿足的道理。謝謝那些時時刻刻陪伴著我的好朋友，有你們真好。還得謝謝死洪侃，他是我一輩子的玩伴，要不是有他，我在英國可能會被寂寞壓到死去，整個人像吹氣球一般胖成相撲選手。

但是我還是想念其他所有的朋友，希望你們過得快樂。

該死，你們都是我的鴉片！該拿自己怎麼辦呢？我看我還是出去多交幾個新朋友吧。

My sentimentality is in its full force again. I miss all my friends terribly, terribly…

A number of friends came to hang out last Friday and Saturday, and as a result our flat was filled with laughter and people for two consecutive days. By Sunday, however, coupled with typical English sky and rain, our flat seemed comparably and considerably miserable. The atmosphere is made even more pathetic as a leaden Hung Kan is affected by some flu and his level of energy is as exhausted as a used condom (hope no “adults” are reading this article!!). In addition, a good friend of mine in London has recently begun a relationship and I fear she will forget all about me. Now I am left with severe after-party syndrome--a big void in the heart.

My thoughts then drifted to childhood. I was at most three and my parents were studying abroad, much like Hung Kan and I now, except they were in snow country Canada. My parents also enjoyed friends a lot, so often times our house would be filled with other Taiwanese students and their families. Those were one of the happy times. While the adults played majong on the table I played fist-fight with the other kids under the table. But even the happiest party has to end, so when it was time to called it a night, I could only stick my face to the window and disappointedly watch our guests’ cars pull away from the curb. In knitted brows I’d mutter in a sad little voice, “they left again…”

Needless to say, as a woman who can’t even recall what happened three seconds ago, I certainly couldn’t have known this story from three-years-old if it didn’t come out of my mom’s mouth.

The Chinese say a man’s personality is set at three and will remain unchanged throughout his life. There must be some truth to it. I guess it would be appropriate to say what friends are to me is like what drugs are to a junkie, extremely difficult to quit.

As we approach middle age, many friends are becoming increasingly occupied with families and work. I never really felt the change because I was myself quite occupied with family. Things are different when we came to the UK, though. Friends are again my oxygen tank, and I began to realize that as much as I think of friends my friends may not always think of me, or at least on an equal level. So for many times I cried (Hung Kan the Jerk only laughs...).

I am more at peace now, because I’ve put my philosophy of life into practice—change as things change around me. I’ve also come to know that it’s the quality of friendship that matters, instead of the quantity of friends. I want to thank those who have always been there for me through thick and thin. And of course, I appreciate Hung Kan the Jerk, who is my life-long playmate. If it weren’t for him, I’d be crushed by loneliness and have fatten myself into a sumo wrestler.

But I want to tell the rest of my friends, that I miss you very very much and hope you are happy.

You are all my damn opium.

Now, what should I do with myself then? I think the best solution is going out and make some new friends, yeah?